Why I Write

This is from a paper that I recently wrote for a class. Therefore it is a little longer than normal.

 

I do not know why exactly I am a writer. Maybe I am one because my experiences made me one. Maybe I am one because I was born to be one. Whatever the reason, I know that my family as well as my school experiences are big part of how I am able to write.
My father has always been a huge supporter of my writing. He sometimes jokes (Or at least I think he’s joking. I am not altogether sure.) that when I get to be a famous author like J.K. Rowling, he and my mom will come and live in the mother-in-law apartment of my fancy house in the mountains. Before he started saying things like that to me, he was my first critic. He read over my academic papers for school as well as my poems and stories and taught me how to take constructive criticism well. And always, without fail, he will answer my questions about something out of the blue that I decided that I wanted to write about. In fact, he has come to learn that when I say, “I have a random question…” it means that I am writing something new.
I have always done well in English and it has always been my favorite subject, which is part of the reason why I’m an English major. It is also part of the reason why I am a writer, although I know that not all writers are English majors and not all English majors are writers…

In a way, I have always been writing. My sister tells me that I started when I was second grade. But of course, I started out as a reader. Or rather, a listener. I listened to Is Your Mama a Llama and Green Eggs and Ham and The Horse and His Boy. I listened and I imitated. I imitated my sibling’s ability to read, much like I imitate cursive before I learned it in school. My parents have a picture of me sitting next to my oldest brother in the living room, him in the rocking chair and me on the couch, both of us perusing magazines. His is a Nathional Geographic and mine looks like it’s about Astronomy. It looks like a snapshot of a teenager and a toddler fairly advanced for her age, until you peer closer and notice that my magazine is upside down.
As soon as I did start reading, I did it everywhere and any time I could. I read secretly after my lights were supposed to be turned out. I read on my way to church when I was supposed to be cleaning my room. And several times in school, I would become so engrossed in my current book that I would have to be reminded that class was starting. I read to draw closer to my family and friends and I would read to escape.
My sister recently told me that “when you like something, you really like it.” That is especially true with books. I read The Boxcar Children over and over until the first book of the series literally split in two. I read A Little Princess and The Secret Garden until I could have recited them verbatim.
It was The Secret Garden that really started me writing, I think. I copied each chapter into notebooks and when I got tired of that, I made up my own endings for Mary, Colin, and Dicken. Or maybe my writing started even before that. Perhaps it started in preschool when I would dictate stories to my dad and I would illustrate the little booklets he made with my scribbles when my neighbor, MaLia, and I created an invisible spy who had adventures in my backyard.
I might have always been a writer in some fashion, but I did not actually start considering myself one until I was in middle school, maybe even in high school. It started with poetry. I have to admit that they were not all that good, but I wrote them anyway. I pasted them on homemade candles and gave them as gifts for Christmas and showed them to my dance teacher. I once showed a poem to my sixth grade English teacher and he said, “Ooh! Someone’s in love!” I was so incredibly angry at what he said that I did not show anything to anyone for quite a while… But I got over it when I was entered into an advanced English class in eighth grade, which seemed more like a Creative Writing class than any English class I had ever taken before. In it, we were required to participate in NanoWriMo (National Writing Month) and write a good portion of a novel as well as the script part of a graphic novel. Then, I tried my hand at fiction, even though I still preferred poetry at that time.
At the beginning of eighth grade, I entertained the idea of applying for Denver School of the Arts for dance. I told my dance teacher this and she told me that I should also consider their Creative Writing program because I had a real talent for writing. I did not listen her because my heart was so set on dancing and I did not believe I was good enough at writing. I ended up attending a different high school as I figured out that dance would not make me happy in the end.
My freshman year, I discovered darkness and my writing became more meaningful and much better, in my eyes, as I had something hard and deep and dark to convey. I also started journaling. My first journal was very succinct, but my next couple became more involved and much longer. I had to ask for a new journal every year for my birthday because I filled them out so fast. The act of journaling introduced me to the genre of Creative Nonfiction, even though I did not realize that the genre had a name at that time.
During my freshman year of college, I took a Creative Writing class and the teacher talked about this relatively new genre called Creative Nonfiction. I immediately fell in love with it and found that I was more at ease with it than fiction or poetry. And in my first two years of college, I manage to get two pieces published in riverrun. I hoping to get published in national magazines, starting with the ones that are specifically geared for emerging writers.
The idea of getting published is a scary thing. Exciting, but scary. It means that I might be able to join the likes of Sylvia Plath and Joan Didion. Or I might not. But whether or not I get short pieces entered into recognized journals or get my novel which currently has only two chapters written, I will be a writer.

There are many reasons why I am a writer. Maybe it is because of my experiences. Maybe it is because I was born to be one.
Or, maybe I am a writer simply because I write.

 

Recently Read

Sorry for the sporadic postings of late. Life has gotten increasingly busy in the last few weeks with school and work.

The book that I read recently that I want to share with you is “The Empathy Exams” by Leslie Jamison. It is quite different from all the other books that I have reviewed on here.

1. It is Creative Nonfiction (If you haven’t heard of this genre before, look it up because it’s brilliant. I mostly write in this genre).

2. It is a book of essays, primarily personal and journalistic.

3. I had to read it for class, not for myself.

My professor shared a review of the book with us that said that each essay is worth reading individually, but not compiled together. I have to agree. Since I had to finish this book in two weeks, I had to read one essay after the other without much pause. By the end, I started to feel overwhelmed by her personality, which is strong and not very much like mine.

But many of the essays are worth reading by themselves. The first one, “The Empathy Exams” tells of a trying time in her life using the framing of her experiences of a medical actor. I would also recommend “The Immortal Horizon” and “Fog Count” as they are connected by one character, even though they aren’t really connected by plot.

The essays that I felt could have been revised more or thought on a little more are “In Defense of Saccharine” and “Devil’s Bait.” Although both of them were interesting, “Saccharine” was too long and seemed too experimental in form to really make sense and “Devil’s Bait” made me a little irritated with Jamison because she preaches empathy, but didn’t really practice it.

Leslie Jamison is only in her 3os and “The Empathy Exams” won the 2011 Graywolf Press Nonfiction Prize. Yes, her essays do have flaws, but I think it is utterly remarkable that a woman who is only a decade older than me was able to win such a prestigious prize. I think that by the time she reaches her 40s or 50s, she will truly be an amazing writer who has both an amazing grasp of form and a wonderful understanding of how to portray herself.

Furthermore, this book helps me realize that I really can be a writer if I practice. If she can be successful, I can. I just have to write, write, write, write, and then write some more.

 

2 Minute Personality Test

My friend and I recently went to Chipotle for dinner. Chipotle lately has been printing short short stories on their cups. This time, my cup held the 2 Minute Personality Test by Jonathan Safran Foer, which is a series of questions that I found interesting.

Here are my answers:

1.What was the kindest thing you almost did?

I saw a shopping cart in the exact middle of the parking lot. I intended to put it away so the employees didn’t have to. However, by the time I had parked, I had completely forgot about it. Until now, obviously.

2. Is your fear of Insomnia stronger than your fear of what awoke you?

No. But I have been afraid to sleep because of nightmares.

3. Are bonsai cruel?

We are talking about the tree, right? No, I do not think they’re cruel. I think they are amazing.

4. Do you love what you love, or just the feeling?

Both, I guess. For example, I love writing for writing’s sake and for the euphoria I get when I write.

5. Your earliest memories: do you look through your young eyes or look at your young self?

I look at my memories with my young eyes. And for some reason, these memories are all sort of yellowish.

6. Which feels worse: to know that there are people who do more with less talent or there are people with more talent?

The first, most definitely.

7. Do you walk on moving walkways?

I think I’m rare in the fact that I prefer to actually stay still. It’s slower, but more peaceful. But that doesn’t mean that I haven’t walked on them.

8. Should it make  any difference that you knew it was wrong as you did it?

Yes.

9. Would you trade actual intelligence for the perception of being smarter?

Most definitely not. Since I wore glasses in middle school, I got so tired of people assuming that I was smarter than I felt I was.

10. Why does it bother you when someone at the next table is having a conversation on a cell phone.

It is when they’re texting in the company of someone else that I get bothered. When they’re having a conversation on the phone, most of the time I’m too focused on eavesdropping to be bothered by it.

11. How many years of your life would you trade for the greatest month in your life?

None. I want to live every year of my life and remember it, no matter how bad, good, or disappointing they are.

12. What would you tell your father, if it were possible.

Sometimes it feels like I don’t appreciate you enough, but I completely, utterly love you.

13. Which is changing faster: your body or your mind?

My mind, hopefully.

14. It is cruel to tell an old person his/her prognosis?

No. I think its cruel to not tell them.

15. Are you in any way angry at your phone?

Not directly. I’m more annoyed at how reliant I am on it.

16. When you pass a storefront, do you look at what’s inside, your reflection, or neither?

What’s inside.

17. Is there anything you would die for if no one could ever know you died for it?

The earth, maybe? I would sooner die for a person or persons than a thing.

18. If you could be assured that money wouldn’t make you any small bit happier, would you still want more money?

I just want enough money so I can support myself and my family in the future.

19. What has irrevocably been spoiled for you?

Coconut. I choked on it when I was little and I haven’t like it since.

20. If your deepest secret became public, would you be forgiven?

I’m not even sure what my deepest secret is, but I hope it would.

21. Is your best friend your kindest friend?

No, but she is one of the kindest I know.

22. Is it in any way cruel to give a dog a name?

I don’t think so, but then again that hadn’t even occurred to me.

23. Is there anything you need to confess?

I’m a little nuts. And so are my friends and some members of my family. That’s why I picked them. Or they picked me. Either one.

24. You know it’s a “murder of crows” and a “wake of buzzards” but it’s a what of ravens, again?

No idea. But I can’t help thinking of Edgar Allan Poe’s poem “The Raven.”

25. What is it about death that you are afraid of?

The same reason why I’m afraid of darkness: the unknown.

26. How does it make you feel to know that it is an “unkindness of ravens?”

Unperturbed, but gradually getting curious about the phrase.