I’ve once sat on the phone with a woman in the middle of a panic attack, unable to say anything other than, “I’m here with you.” I’ve listened to a woman stress about how much alcohol she’s drinking and about her son who isn’t calling her. I’ve listened to someone my age describe the deep well of his depression he can’t climb out of. I’ve listened to a man who has such terrible anxiety that he tells you his cleaning and grocery schedule a week ahead of time. I’ve listened to friends describe sexual assaults and their subsequent PTSD.
According to NAMI (National Alliance on Mental Illness), it is Mental Illness Awareness Week, but I wish it was Mental Illness Speak Out Week. We can spew out all of the facts about mental health disorders all we can, but I feel like we won’t be completely aware about mental illness until we listen. Not everyone can be in my field of therapy or volunteer on a hotline, but everyone can listen.
It does take practice. A lot of it. Because we are not trained to listen. We are taught to be heard and to surround ourselves with noise. I myself have always been quiet. I’ve told people that I like to listen instead of talk, but even then I didn’t really know how to listen.
Working at CONTACT Helpline of Central Pennsylvania a couple years ago opened up my eyes (and ears) about the true meaning of listening. There I became aware of all those times I was thinking about my next sentence instead of listening to whoever was speaking. I became aware of all the noise in my head that is keeping me back. Most of all, I learned these active listening skills (and more):
Validating (let them know that their experience/emotion is valid and important)
Withholding judgment (a lot of our statements can unintentionally be judgmental; recognize your own prejudices and have an open mind)
Reflecting (a simple way to tell someone you’re paying attention; one way is to paraphrase what you just heard)
I do not mean to stand on my soapbox and I most certainly do not pretend to know everything about active listening. I have, however, observed how much active listening can change lives for the better. After all, my own mental health struggles have been listened to. And that, to me, has made all the difference in my life. Without having been listened to throughout school and other life experiences, I wouldn’t be the strong person I am today and I most certainly would not have become a therapist. I was listened to so that one day I could become a listener.
So, if you are willing and able, please listen to someone today, tomorrow, or the next year. You might change someone’s life.
And if you aren’t willing or you aren’t able to listen, I encourage you to talk. You are strong and courageous and you can get through whatever you’re going through.
3 things I’m grateful for:
1. People who have listened to me: my high school therapist, my siblings, my parents, my friends
2. Having a steady caseload of clients.
3. The first snowfall happening this Thursday.
National Suicide Prevention Hotline Number: 1-800-273-8255
Dial 2-1-1 for information on mental health resources such as crisis hotlines, therapists, support groups & more. 2-1-1 is a national number.
NAMI’s website: https://www.nami.org/