Throughout the last month, I’ve been taking some time (usually during lunch)to write down a sentence or two in a small journal I got from the Colorado Renaissance Festival. These ruminations may be revealing and some may be funny, but mostly they’re just… thoughts, bringing my inside to the outside.
1. Emmaeus
Seven pairs of feet –
Shoes, socks, bare –
On our walk to Emmaeus
Tears glittering on eyelashes –
Lowered in solidarity and prayer –
On our walk to Emmaeus
Dividing –
And coming together in aid and love –
On our walk to Emmaeus
And the Sycamore tree.
- A squirrel stares at me while I eat my lunch. I am not about to give it my nuts.
- “You should be careful who you give your money to. You never know what they’re going to use it for.”
But her story of abuse, eviction seems true. Her desperation I see in her panicking, but somehow dull eyes. I hear it in her quivering voice.
Before, she took off her hard hat and smiled – she looked young and pretty. After, I watch her fold her arms and direct traffic. Her life has made her age.
4. It’s difficult to see how we are perceived because we can only view ourselves from the inside. But, every once in awhile, we catch our reflections in other people.
7. It’s easy to get lost in my own troubles and thoughts. But spewing them onto paper, even with a broken pen, fixes me. And then continuing on, I focus on what is placed before me: others.
- The church on the corner plays hymns while my housemate lifts up his water bottle and says “I have a giant capri-sun; worship me!”
- It’s a beautiful day even when the sun’s not shining and when my spirit is in the ashtray. When people are having trouble, they see nothing good. Should we remind them that it’s a beautiful day?
- The trash truck slowly lowers its arms and receives its partner, the dumpster, which emits a surprised squeal at being so rudely seized and raised into the air. It reluctantly obliges the truck, opens its lid and is shaken. It tolerates its lid painfully slapping close, if only because it knows its ordeal is almost over. It is set down with careful swiftness and the truck drives away without a glance or word. The dumpster feels empty.
- Something to ponder: if there were less, but more efficient spiders, would humans be as inclined to squash them?
15.I fixed a technological problem at work without seeking my dad’s expertise. I feel proud of myself. At the same time, I miss riding on his shoulders and standing on the tops of his shoes.
16. What I have for breakfast: corn flakes, hot tea, and time spent with myself. What I fix for lunch: a bagel with crunchy peanut butter, an apple, a banana, and a book I need to finish by tonight.